Amber Energy Podcast – Episode 2
🔥 How to Build Trust & Meaningful Relationships w/ Blue Stiley, Blue Stiley is a professional keynote speaker, podcast hostand author. Drawing on three decades of experience as a presenter, entrepreneur, martial arts instructor, and professional actor and model, Blue now serves as a motivational speaker, helping leaders and organizations build trust and meaningful relationships. His practical insights, workshops and presentations have helped coach and empower thousands of students, Olympic athletes, celebrities, fashion models, executives, and entrepreneurs.Blue lives with his wife and family in Liberty Lake, Washington.
Ready to level up your relationships? In this episode, Amber sits down with the one and only Blue Stiley to talk all things trust, connection, and building real relationships that actually last.
We’re getting into:
💥 What trust really looks like (spoiler: it’s not just keeping secrets)
🧠 How to stop overthinking and start connecting
💬 Why meaningful relationships are your superpower
👀 Real talk + stories from Blue’s own life
🙌 And yes… some laughs along the way
🔗 Connect with Blue Stiley:
🔔 Subscribe to Amber Energy Podcast for more insights on entrepreneurship, business growth, and marketing.
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00:00:08:10 – 00:00:32:03
I. I gain the trust and I made meaningful relationships or genuine relationship with my clients. And one of the things I talk about from the stage is going above and beyond, going that extra mile or giving that 3 to 5% more. And most people are only going to do the mid-level. And so if you go just a little bit above and beyond that 3 to 5% more, it is going to make you stand out.
00:00:32:04 – 00:00:53:08
It is going to make you shine and it’s going to make you memorable, valuable and referable. Checking in at once was always good. A good lesson. Doesn’t matter if it’s even like coworkers, your colleagues, relationships, vendors. I check in with my clients annually to make sure that we’re in lockstep when it comes to my clients, right. Who are running them?
00:00:53:10 – 00:01:19:12
Hello and welcome to another episode of Amber energy themed podcast. Today I have my awesome friend Blue Smiley. He is a professional keynote speaker, host, podcaster, and author. I’ve had the pleasure of to know him for roughly 15 years and he’s a wonderful friend, colleague, and I can’t be more excited to have him on my podcast. Thank you so much for being here today, blue.
00:01:19:16 – 00:01:37:14
Why don’t you talk a little bit about yourself, what you do. How we know each other. Let’s get started. Thank you for having me. It’s awesome to be on the opposite side of the podcast. So it’s kind of needed versus the host. And it is true. I have known you for many years, and, when you asked me to be on this, I was like, absolutely, I would love to.
00:01:37:15 – 00:01:54:10
So, my name is blue. Like the color. My parents were hippies, and I got beat up and picked on when I was a kid. All the time. And, I got into martial arts, and I had no idea that my martial arts instructor was going to change the trajectory of my life. But that’s exactly what he did.
00:01:54:12 – 00:02:16:16
And I just all of these life lessons and habits that I learned from him. I started firing when he passed away, and I wrote a book and went viral. And then I became a motivational keynote speaker. I’ve been a personal trainer, a strength coach for Olympic athletes, and in close school to combat tactics for different military and police units and Swat groups.
00:02:16:18 – 00:02:47:13
I wrote a book called The Summer for where we all get for differently at that is it? And, just, I don’t know, I just have so much fun in my life, and I’m a dad, and I’m, husband, and I love my two kids, and they just started school. And I’m super excited to be able to share my message, because I think a lot of people would love to, to hear some of the things that I have learned over my 30 plus years as a author and, keynote speaker and as a personal trainer and a podcast as myself.
00:02:47:14 – 00:03:08:12
I know it’s super fun. I’m like, super stoked to have you on. And I just when I reflect on our relationship, I’m just couldn’t be more happy to still have you in my life. Well, that is that is absolutely two ways. So thank you. So I just remember, you know, meeting at the L.A. fitness and and North Seattle and, you know, obviously, as you know, you know, you’re electrifying and you’re like, interesting.
00:03:08:12 – 00:03:21:19
You’re like, but you’re a personal trainer, and you were working out or, you know, whatever it was like, This kind of seems like he’s got it going, Like, I gotta know this person, right? And so I don’t know how we’ve met, per se, but, like how I met many of the people at that gym.
00:03:21:19 – 00:03:37:05
It was more like, you become a regular, and, you know, you see each other on the regular and you see each other. Hey, what’s up? You know, you head nod or what’s up, you know, and you just kind of recognize them. And then over time it’s like, oh, she’s like serious. You’re serious. You you see them every day, you know, and before, you know, like, oh, what’s your name?
00:03:37:05 – 00:03:54:18
I know I see you in here a lot, you know, I’m looking for, you know, you’re shoot the shit and talk in between sets or between clients in your case. And. Well, what’s interesting is L.A. fitness was not my home gym, though, because I had you be out there. You were just, you know, working out. And then you met clients at your at your digs.
00:03:54:20 – 00:04:11:02
And so I used it as basically my, my home away from home. Right. And obviously when you see when you go into the gym back in the day is a global versus a CrossFit or you would see people and you could tell if somebody knew how to lift and you could learn from each other because it’s a conglomerate.
00:04:11:02 – 00:04:31:04
It’s like a petri dish of people, like showing you different lifts and exercises because you can learn from everybody, whether they’re skinny or huge or whatever. And so I just had so much fun in the gym environment. And, I feel bad for people with Covid now because the gyms kind of dissipated for a while. But man, I had so much fun growing up.
00:04:31:04 – 00:04:45:05
Unknown
Those are some of my greatest years now. Mine too. I remember actually, I, I dunno if you remember, but I was a personal trainer in college at Western. Now the cost money for the men’s rowing crew team for like two years, and then I don’t go into water skiing on the club team. And then that got me, personal training.
00:04:45:05 – 00:05:17:20
Unknown
And actually I was personal training in downtown Seattle. Gold’s for like 20, like nine and ten. Maybe I was Downtown Gold’s personal training, and I just quickly gave that up when I got a full board go into graphic design. And my main career as an agency designer downtown gave up cold turkey and then completely focused on me being a bigger competitor in 2010, and then also being that obviously focusing as a graphic designer in the small town, big town of Seattle, that is the big all of the West Coast for sure.
00:05:17:22 – 00:05:38:09
Unknown
Yeah. So I focused on, graphic design and gave up the personal training bits to focus on, working at myself and being a bigger competitor. So that’s probably why I was like, oh, there’s another personal trainer here because I used to be a personal trainer and he seems really fit. I’m fit all I want to know this person, you know, the regulars at the gym, addition to, the other crew men that I quickly got to meet.
00:05:38:09 – 00:05:55:22
Unknown
And one of them is now my husband. That’s right. Well, it Gold’s Gym downtown was actually where I started, so I got, I got hired with Gold’s, and then I started there, and I was only there for a week, and I was like, this is not where I want to have to commute to. And so North Spokane Gold’s became my home.
00:05:55:22 – 00:06:13:09
Unknown
And and ironically, I did not think that I was going to be a personal trainer. I want to do international corporate law. And so I was studying for the Lsat and the gym at and a friend of mine at the time was like, you know, you and she worked at the goal and she was like, you should teach martial arts, all the Gold’s gyms.
00:06:13:11 – 00:06:40:06
Unknown
And I feared sure, why not? And but in order to do so, I had to become certified as a personal trainer. And when I did that, I beat all records both nationally and internationally for Gold’s Gym on sales. And it was not because I was a good personal trainer. I was a stick with lip style at that time, and it was because of the way that I made I, I gained the trust and, made meaningful relationships or genuine relationships with my clients.
00:06:40:12 – 00:06:59:19
Unknown
And then I brought them into a community before CrossFit became a big community center. And I just made people feel heard. Seen like they belong, like Brené Brown talks about. And and it was just like, a great home. And I flourished at that, that spot. And then I started in North Seattle and that was it, you know, I mean, that’s where I did that.
00:07:00:00 – 00:07:18:21
Unknown
I worked there for like a hot second or two. And I didn’t know, like I said, the fishbowl feel downtown one, downtown Seattle one, like, I don’t know what the fuck. I was like a fishbowl all the time, but, you know, I didn’t last very long. I could just, like, selling their the Dot dot fitness brand or their supplement brand that they were kind of having a personal trainer.
00:07:18:22 – 00:07:34:21
Unknown
Quote. I don’t like that very much. Didn’t feel very authentic. So anyways, and that’s when we met and yes. So, we met. And what’s kind of fun, I feel like about our relationship is that we kind of like met we went off and kind of like you were doing your bits and like, you know, modeling. And I’m doing my bits as doing figure competitions.
00:07:34:21 – 00:07:49:02
Unknown
And, you know, we kind of like, done these funny things throughout our entire, like, 15 years of knowing each other. You know, I remember, you know, I couldn’t be more I remember all of a sudden on Facebook, I’m married and like, you know, you’re doing this thing in the loft and like, then like, oh, my God, he’s having kids.
00:07:49:02 – 00:08:07:00
Unknown
I’m like, you know, we kind of have the not funny thing. And, got into our professional careers, you know, very successful into your, your career. And I always admired watching and I always love watching when friends, colleagues like, make it and are doing it like like my favorite thing about colleagues and friends. Like watching them like succeed.
00:08:07:00 – 00:08:24:12
Unknown
I’m like, oh my God, they’re doing it. You know, you just get so excited. But that’s that’s because you’re that’s because you have a meaningful relationship with your friends. Right? And it’s like you’re happy for people when they succeed. You don’t want to hang out. You don’t want to hang out with people who aren’t happy when you don’t succeed or when you do succeed.
00:08:24:12 – 00:08:46:06
Unknown
It’s like that schadenfreude. It’s it’s not healthy. So I want to surround myself around people that bring me up and who understand that it’s the as a community, when we all raise, then we all prosper from that. I don’t want to hang out with people that bring me down. And if my network is not bringing me up and I’m not helping my network come up, then it’s time to basically rethink my network.
00:08:46:12 – 00:09:03:17
Unknown
Yeah, it’s like, your success is my success a little bit, right? Like, I love it more like, I love it so much. I see friends and family or colleagues like in they nailed it. Like, oh yeah, I didn’t go them like I like, so to speak, and excited for them. Like I was so excited for you when obviously you’re I see you.
00:09:03:17 – 00:09:18:08
Unknown
I think I remember one time I took a picture of you and you were like, up in like, I don’t forget what, what retail store, but like, it was a picture of you remember that picture? I took a look. There’s blue up there and I sent you a text. You’re my friend. That’s my friend. And I’m really texting you a picture of it.
00:09:18:08 – 00:09:30:14
Unknown
Right. And then, you know, all throughout our, throughout our friendship, you know, like, I was so excited for you. And you got married again, and I was so excited for you. You know, where I’m like, oh, my gosh, like, wrote a book, my friend. Oh, my God, my friend wrote a book. I get to buy his book.
00:09:30:16 – 00:09:50:15
Unknown
And then you know that he’s doing speaking engagements. I’m like, oh my God, you had a speaking engagement. Like over a thousand people go bloom. And then I was like, oh my gosh, I this our podcast too. I go, wait a be buddy. So I just love seeing my friends like all be successful. And I like to surround myself too with like amazing, amazing people that I just love.
00:09:50:15 – 00:10:09:21
Unknown
And also when I see amazing friends like, oh yes they do, we’re all going, this is so cool! Well, I think that I think that taps into the fact that you’re a magnetic person too, right? And I it’s everybody wants to be the person in the room that everybody wants to know. Right. And how do you become that person?
00:10:09:21 – 00:10:30:20
Unknown
How do you become that magnet and some magnets attach other magnets and they never leave or anything like that. But it’s like my goal is always as the magnet to bring people in to become their own magnet. And you’re that energetic person. I mean, listen to your amber energy, right? I mean, you’re this big ball of energy and you’re like a turtle or energizer bunny.
00:10:30:20 – 00:10:48:18
Unknown
And it’s like, I love being around people that are so positive and optimistic because that really bleeds into me and it’s contagious. And I love smiling at people versus like, you know, man, I think our world needs a little bit more of of happiness and kindness right now. And all that joy would go a long ways. Yeah. Well, it really does.
00:10:48:18 – 00:11:05:18
Unknown
And it’s like, why I don’t want to be around yours, and I want to be around people that are mean. Was like, no, I want to be a happy camper. Right? Like their life’s too short. Yeah. We know, ain’t nobody got time for that to be. No, no. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Oh my gosh.
00:11:05:20 – 00:11:25:15
Unknown
So yes, I, I love that about our relationship. I love where we’re at, you know, now we’re both parents, right? I it’s it was fun, you know, getting, that all of us, all eight of us and all of your friends and friends and family got to come together, for a memorial weekend camping trip a couple of years ago.
00:11:25:17 – 00:11:43:21
Unknown
I was disappointed we couldn’t make it happen again. Again. But, like, I’ve really, really enjoyed that. Like, authentic time with you and your family. And I really enjoyed shooting a bow with your wife. And I really enjoyed, you know, our children playing together and, like, shooting together. And I thought that was like, the most like, oh, this is so cool.
00:11:43:21 – 00:11:58:23
Unknown
This is the best. Like, this is like, we’re friends and like, we’re in that, like, inner trust tree. And like, I just I always just like, oh, I love this. This is amazing. This is beautiful. This is just how life is supposed to be. Well, I would say that like and I was honored, actually, that you invited me to be honest.
00:11:58:23 – 00:12:15:12
Unknown
So like, oh, you’re invited every year. And so were all your guests. I was going to say that it’s like I, I’m from Spokane and I moved to Seattle, and I was there for 30 years, and then my wife basically twisted my arm and said, would you ever move back to Spokane? And we ended up building a home in Liberty Lake.
00:12:15:14 – 00:12:43:00
Unknown
And I am so happy here. And one of the things that I didn’t realize was that the power of your lifetime friends. Right? Like I moved back and a lot of people don’t move from Spokane, and all of my childhood best friends are still here, and I didn’t realize the power of that network. And coming back to people that I’ve spent so much time with, you know, like I got my license with, I went through junior high with, I started a business with, like all of these people.
00:12:43:00 – 00:13:01:09
Unknown
And those are Dave’s true friends. And it just it reminded me how much I miss that and how important those kinds of relationships are. And it’s like the friends that you go, you inner dweeb, like this with like a thread. As long as you do your part and you keep bringing back, it’s like you can always have that with your friends.
00:13:01:09 – 00:13:22:11
Unknown
And it’s like, but you, it takes work. It does. Beautiful reciprocation. Right? And and obviously people go through tough times in their lives and they need a little bit more love and and help and support on the chapter that maybe they’re in that season, that they’re in the longest. It’s like eventually it’s a reverse. All’s fair in love and war and they’re in it kind of reciprocates on itself and they’re there for you when you need it most.
00:13:22:11 – 00:13:38:14
Unknown
And and, you know, long as there’s that kind of like nice volley of sorts in a friendship, you know, it can be a very beautiful thing. Like, I have two lifelong friends and, and I have come back to last year for my 20th high school reunion and like, reconnected with like some friends from like, kindergarten and like primary school.
00:13:38:16 – 00:13:56:03
Unknown
And it brings me so much joy to like, see them be so successful and to rekindle those friendships again. And it is it’s joyous. It’s so much fun. Like pick up almost where you left off. And even though you’ve done this for like 20 years, or maybe you’ve done this a couple times in 20 years, it is so much fun to, like, reconnect with those people.
00:13:56:03 – 00:14:30:01
Unknown
Yeah, one and the stories and those those moments you say about going to like, you know, get your driver’s ed or oh, we remember we did this on this corner or I remember when we got that scuffle over here, you know, it’s just like, oh, that was childhood joys. I like reliving those moments, reminiscing nostalgic nostalgic. And well and I think that’s, that’s the part where as a motivational speaker now from the stage, I really use pop culture and humor to bring the audience in because it’s so relatable and it’s so, everybody can can achieve that.
00:14:30:01 – 00:14:48:03
Unknown
And understand that and relate to it. And it’s so powerful. But that’s, that’s the same thing with, with great friends, like lifetime friends or friends that you really get to know. Right. Like, and I don’t mean like the basic layer of an onion, but the more layers that you start to get down, you really understand what makes people take and motivates them.
00:14:48:03 – 00:15:09:04
Unknown
And when you have that, the ability to have a great relationship just it takes off even that much more. But, I wanted to mention the because you had mentioned this is that it’s the, the 5050 rule, like as a parent and as a, as a, as a wife, being married is hard. And I’m going to tell your audience now like it is no joke.
00:15:09:04 – 00:15:30:17
Unknown
Right. And people are like, oh, it’s a 5050. It’s not. Sometimes it’s 5050, sometimes it’s 8020 where I’m doing 80% of the work and my wife does 20%. But as long as it always evens out. But it can never, always be 100% of one person because you’re going to fizzle. And it can never be are not always 8020, right?
00:15:30:17 – 00:15:56:04
Unknown
It needs to be back and forth. But that’s what I love about my wife, Heidi, is that it’s like sometimes she’s at 90 and I’m at ten and vice versa. And it’s like we make it work together. And that’s the greatest thing about being parents. Yeah, it’s it’s ultimate teamwork. That’s how my husband I work too, like, sometimes you need to come home from work or sometimes you just have a bad day or we’re going to that in bad phone call from a family member or something happens like, oh man, today, honey, I’m a ten and I need you to pick up dinner tonight.
00:15:56:04 – 00:16:12:00
Unknown
Or like I need, I need you to pick up the nine, you know, kind of idea. I, I needed to decompress, or I haven’t. I need to have a moment. I got at the phone call, and it’s not gonna be fun. And, like, I need a second here or vice versa, like, oh, something happened, you know, at work, Nolan’s got, you know, XYZ needs to happen.
00:16:12:00 – 00:16:25:12
Unknown
It’s got to, like, work late or you got to go jump on a business trip and you got to go to Portland, Or you’re going to Seattle. I gotta go Fresno. You know, like drop everything. I’m like, okay, honey, it’s work. You gotta go loving. Long time. I’ll see you in three days. Right? And okay, here we go.
00:16:25:12 – 00:16:44:04
Unknown
And that’s just life. And you know, and you can’t. You can’t hold it against, or anything like that. No, ill will is just okay. I mean, like, you’re support, we’re supporting each other. We’re supporting this family or support in this life, this lifestyle. And today, today I got you. I don’t think you figure it out. I figured it out together.
00:16:44:04 – 00:17:03:12
Unknown
Right? And then vice versa. Like, I might have had something going on. You don’t. Honey, I love you. I got you today, I got this. I will cook dinner tonight or whatever it is. It’s a partnership. It’s a teamwork. And it’s a beautiful thing. If you communicate and and communicate what you need and what you’re where you’re at, like where you make your energy level today, like, oh, honey, oh, shoot.
00:17:03:12 – 00:17:25:07
Unknown
I’m, I’m 40 when you pick up the other 60 or vice versa. Right. That’s just the beautiful thing about a partnership and about a relationship. But it ain’t always sunshine and rainbows. No, no. And once resentment starts to seep in and you you need to communicate that right. And it’s like the ability to communicate it so that you that both parties understand is is so and it’s priceless.
00:17:25:12 – 00:17:47:02
Unknown
It really I mean, I think, I mean, I’m agreeing to like couples therapy or anything, but just as far as like, wanting good tip. Someone told me in life was on never stop willing or a partner. Never stop dating your partner. Never stop wooing. And I think it’s a beautiful thing to say, you know, because, you know, it’s easy to obviously love, you know, the first five, ten years, like, that’s easy, right?
00:17:47:04 – 00:18:16:00
Unknown
But it’s the next ten. It’s the next 15. It’s the next, you know, the 20th year. The 50th year. Right. Those are the harder years because it’s not you don’t want the winning part. Technically you the lust and the falling love part. That’s the fun part. The honeymoon. The honeymoon phase. Right. But what’s going to keep you together, right, is getting through tough times, kicking it out and then going on those fun dates, remembering to date your partner again, like, go out and have fun together, be kids, go to the batting cages, you know, go dancing, go do something fun together and stop, you know, never stop dating your partner.
00:18:16:00 – 00:18:38:02
Unknown
Never stop doing a partner. Never stop asking how I can be better for your partner. Come on. We all. We all need to grow. We all right. Continue to grow. So that’s what friendships are, you know? Are we good here? You know. Are we are are we good? You know, are we good here or like I don’t I step out of line or like, you know, it’s just not getting those difficult conversations right.
00:18:38:02 – 00:19:01:16
Unknown
With friendships and long term friendships or long term partnerships, relationships or spouses, you know, just not at the long term. It’s just are we good here? Like I overstep or, you know, just checking in. Everyone smiles. Always a good a good lesson to check in. But no matter if it’s even like coworkers, you know, colleagues, relationships, vendors, I check in with my clients annually to make sure that we’re in lockstep when it comes to my clients.
00:19:01:16 – 00:19:25:00
Unknown
Right. So similarly, you do that with your spouse. You know, you and Heidi. Well, I was going to say that the one of the things that hits me hardest all the time is if I’ve offended someone I didn’t know that I did. And you’ll never know unless someone communicates that right. And it blows my mind when I hear something that somebody says, you know, you said this or you did this, or you didn’t include me in this.
00:19:25:00 – 00:19:42:08
Unknown
I’m like, oh my gosh, like, that’s not my job. Horrible, right? Like, let me remedy that. Oh, I hate that person. That person could hold that for ten years and never tell me. And I’m I think life is fine. And then finally they open up. I’m like, why did you hold that? I, I did not intend on it.
00:19:42:08 – 00:20:03:14
Unknown
It’s heartbreaking because that’s not what I intend to do. And that that’s one of the what’s my Achilles heel with people because I’m so empathetic and it’s like, man, that just so I would always advise, communicate with me, let me know if I’ve said something, let me know if I, if I, if I did something or if I didn’t include you because a let me explain myself number one.
00:20:03:14 – 00:20:18:08
Unknown
But I probably didn’t even know I did it right. You’re right. Like, empathetic people, you know, we don’t. Our intention is not ill. Typically. You know, we want to include, we want people to be a part of the party. Right? And we enjoy it when people are part of the party. And our intention is not to hurt people’s feelings.
00:20:18:08 – 00:20:38:02
Unknown
And we would rather eat more. The marry. Right? So, it’s hard when you find out like, oh my God, you should have told me. I don’t like taking care of it. Like, oh my God. Like, yeah. Realsies. Like, it breaks. It breaks my heart if I’m like, oh that is oh my gosh, why did I? I had a friend that did that for ten years.
00:20:38:02 – 00:21:04:14
Unknown
And then she was like, it was in an email. And you said, this is like, oh my God, that was an email. And it was like I was joking with the acronym. But the joke didn’t come across right. And it’s like I had no idea until she exactly didn’t land. And I mean, it’s interesting. I can tell the same, the same speech from the stage, whether I’m in like a, whether it’s to a thousand people or, 500 people, depending on the state, the city or whatever, and it might not land.
00:21:04:14 – 00:21:20:15
Unknown
Right. And it’s like, you don’t know, you don’t have that control. And so what is the what is the communication? How does that person receive it? And that’s what’s important. And unless they I see some kind of non-verbal thing where they tell me I’m going to assume it landed like it did yesterday when I gave the same speech.
00:21:20:17 – 00:21:40:16
Unknown
Right, exactly. You know, knowing how to read the room is just is a powerful and important skill as anything else. Right? So you you land a joke and it oh, they, you know, react and responded and like, ooh, kind like not so kind. And you’re like, oh, like, I’m not, not well like so let you know so you can read a groups like reading a room is just as important.
00:21:40:16 – 00:21:56:21
Unknown
You know, when you walk into a board room, you walk into, Hall or a speakership or a board room. Doesn’t matter. I said I already knew the joke at a networking not working event, and it’s like someone it rubbed them wrong or it didn’t land right, like, oh, that was crickets or oh, that. Yeah. Okay. I know remedy that in the moment.
00:21:56:21 – 00:22:16:03
Unknown
And like pick up and like, you know, bounce the conversation back and like figure this out because in the moment in the moment being able to like read the situation and on the fly, in it is like just as important as, like, good humor, a good, well, humor joke. Right? Humor disarms almost everybody, right? Humor is like, amazing.
00:22:16:03 – 00:22:34:23
Unknown
Great way to, like, break the ice. Right? Way to, like, switch the subject. Right. Use humor. It’s so powerful. But then, like, reading the root is just as important. Well, I would say that when when you don’t land something and or if something goes wrong because it happens all the time. Right? And that’s why I don’t use slides like I don’t use technology because it could always go wrong.
00:22:34:23 – 00:22:51:11
Unknown
But if you do and something doesn’t work, you have to be able to pivot. You have to be able to improvise right off the bat. That’s where some of the greatest things that I’ve learned is through watching comedians like improv comedians and being able to to not only read the stage, but at the same time. It’s like being able to like, transition very quickly.
00:22:51:17 – 00:23:15:00
Unknown
But you mentioned humor and it’s like being able to make fun of myself also is authentic, and it really lighten the load, because if I mess up, everybody’s gonna be like, oh, they all want. I love when people say, what, are you scared to speak in public? And really, I would say that once you speak enough and once you understand the material, there’s really nothing to be scared of, right?
00:23:15:02 – 00:23:39:05
Unknown
But it’s when you don’t know the material that it can be scary. But when when you mess up, they’re all rooting for you. The everyone in the room is rooting for you to succeed, you know? Yeah. And so yeah, it doesn’t matter if if you can roll with it and you can make fun of yourself and if something goes wrong and you make fun of it and everybody’s like, oh, because they’ve been there, everybody can relate to that failure or that loss or that rejection.
00:23:39:06 – 00:24:01:13
Unknown
Yes, absolutely. You know, I remember doing that. I think your competitions. Right. There’s actually the five inch heels on stage. And so I’ve, I’ve never done that. Really. Sure. No not no on the heels you know. Anyhow. No. So I was petrified of like these five inch heels, like I grew up with a little tomboy. And so I was like, oh, I could do, I think, a contest.
00:24:01:15 – 00:24:19:00
Unknown
And, but then they were like, oh, but you have to wear this, like skimpy sparkly bikini and like these five inch heels. And I was like, I don’t know how to wear those. Now I was like, petrified because I had watched a couple of YouTubes about these women, like, you know, falling, you know. Yeah, on stage and or clumping around the Clydesdale.
00:24:19:02 – 00:24:36:21
Unknown
I was absolutely petrified of mortified. I was looking at it kind of look like a Clydesdale or doesn’t, like, stumble and like, oh, look like it’s complete botched dog on stage. So I’m practicing like crazy in like my kitchen when I was cooking and, like, making sure that I was not going to look like an idiot on stage.
00:24:36:23 – 00:24:56:07
Unknown
But like, all that to say is that, you know, if it does happen, what they teach you in acting, like, you know, work, and theater, you just roll with it. Oh, yeah. I meant to do that. Yeah. You know, to keep gawking. Right. And it was a part of the play or the part of the moment, and you just got to play it off because, like, the the ladder doesn’t work out either, because then others don’t work.
00:24:56:07 – 00:25:16:15
Unknown
So whatever you do, if you do something on stage like, oh, I meant to do that, it’s fine. Just keep rolling and keep dancing it out. Because this is better, though. So I think I’m I’m sure you’ve done it a few thousand times at some of your speaking engagements, like, oh, and then, you know, you catch yourself when you, you know, roll into a roll into a fun handstand or something.
00:25:16:15 – 00:25:36:21
Unknown
I’m sure you like, roll into a cartwheel and you’re like, I blew it. I’m awesome. Well, it’s interesting, like, that’s one of my signatures is to do a handstand walks across stage and it really blows like CEOs and sea level groups off, like, what is this guy doing right. But, I mean, you can mess up, and you can trip.
00:25:36:21 – 00:25:55:12
Unknown
I’ve, I’ve done it before. And the stage was made of, like, wood, and I got splinters on my hands, and I was just like, oh my gosh. So I would advise always work the stage and try to find out. Like what? What it looks like the lay of the land beforehand. But no, it’s like when when you mess up, you the only person who knows that you mess up is yourself.
00:25:55:14 – 00:26:19:21
Unknown
Really? Yeah. And so I would say that confidently speaking is such a great skill. Public speaking and I think it is a great is one of the greatest fears for people. But it is something that will take you so much further within. And it doesn’t matter what industry you’re in, being able to speak in public, whether that’s into a short team group or like a 15,000 or 87,000 people, it doesn’t matter, right?
00:26:19:21 – 00:26:41:08
Unknown
It’s like the skill and the confidence to be had with that is is imperative. And so I would suggest anybody doing that, like at least take an improv class, at least learn how to to have that confidence to move up there. And if you know the material, if for example, if, if I were to talk about if you and I were to talk about our kids, we could talk about them for 48 hours, right?
00:26:41:08 – 00:26:58:08
Unknown
Like we tell anything. Yeah. It is easy, right? It’s when it’s material you don’t understand or that you don’t believe in. That’s when it’s hard. And that’s really the only time of year. But I could get up and improv on my kids all day long, and so could you. And so could anyone, whether it’s about their their mom and their dad.
00:26:58:09 – 00:27:13:18
Unknown
Right. Well, but it’s something that is true to your heart and so when you speak from the stage, speaking from your heart and talking about what you know, knowing that they’re all rooting for you should give you the confidence to be like, you know what? If I mess up? They don’t know if I miss a part in my speech.
00:27:13:18 – 00:27:33:07
Unknown
They don’t know. They all want me to succeed. The only person is going to know that I messed up is me, and how I roll with it, or improv or pivot is just as important. Well, it’s a good, good segue. And like setbacks, you know how you come back from a setback, right? Like that’s a really important topic when it comes to being an entrepreneur, comes to being any kind of successful person in life, right?
00:27:33:09 – 00:27:50:15
Unknown
How how you step it up, step over and stride. How you how you come back from a setback is just as important. Not succeeding. Right. Because you’re gonna you’re going to do this all all your career, right? Yeah. And and then you eventually hold it gonna go upward, but upward in ways you never realized you were going to go up.
00:27:50:15 – 00:28:06:07
Unknown
Like maybe you had a goal of X and like X, you thought was gonna be a thing, but then you end up at Z and you didn’t realize you’re gonna go a Z, because you didn’t realize that there was something maybe a better for you. And it’s how you come back from those setbacks, right? It’s how you come back from those nine lessons.
00:28:06:07 – 00:28:27:01
Unknown
Right? Well, and that’s that’s the whole idea of the podcast navigating. No, is that it’s how to overcome rejection, failure and self-doubt. And we’ve all experienced that. I’ve been told no way more times than I’ve ever heard. Yes. And it is. Life can be like this, but that’s pretty boring if it’s like this, because mediocrity should never, never be celebrated.
00:28:27:03 – 00:28:49:11
Unknown
It shouldn’t. You should always be moving up and improving yourself or growing. And if you’re not growing, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough. We’re not failing. Yeah, yeah, you’re not training hard enough. And every single, I don’t know a single person who’s been successful. And success means different things to different people. But I mean, high achievers didn’t get to where they are because they won every single game.
00:28:49:11 – 00:29:09:11
Unknown
It wasn’t because there can only be one gold medalist, right? Somebody has to get silver, somebody has to get bronze, and somebody has to be a runner up. Some people aren’t even team alternates, right? So it’s like not you can’t win everything all the time. And so how do you use that failure? How do you use that struggle that setback or that challenge to catapult yourself?
00:29:09:17 – 00:29:37:00
Unknown
And I interviewed this lady onto my tail from, Italy. And she well, she’s from Argentina, but she’s the, managing director of will be in Italy. And she mentioned, like, setbacks or just the ability to be on a trampoline to jump higher. And I loved that analogy because it was so relatable. And it like the double bounce there was and it’s like everything that she has ever been told, no, she just uses that as her power source to like, jump even higher.
00:29:37:02 – 00:29:53:06
Unknown
And I’ve always been to do that. I always took the word no and I reversed the letters on to on, as in it’s time to move on. It’s time to prove this person wrong and try to prove to myself that I can’t do it. And I’ve. It’s a challenge or a setback to me, isn’t the end. It’s just.
00:29:53:06 – 00:30:12:06
Unknown
Okay, well, how am I going to get around this? How am I going to solve this? And you had mentioned that with with your husband, like, oh, I’m at a ten today. What am I going to do? Will you solve it? It’s the people that give up or quit that don’t ever achieve anything, or they don’t succeed at the the levels or reach those aspirations that they really want to do.
00:30:12:06 – 00:30:31:17
Unknown
And it’s the people that look at it differently. What’s your mind perspective? What do you talk to yourself? What’s your self-talk? What is your mantra? What is your confidence team around you? What gets you motivated to do it? And it was for me personally, it was always a personal mantra. I would just turn it from no to on.
00:30:31:19 – 00:30:45:19
Unknown
For a lot of people it’s it’s also having a support system. What who is your confidence team around you? Like, when I was writing my book, I, I thought I had a great book and I turned it into the editor. It came back and it looked like a candy cane. Had more red all over it than black and white.
00:30:45:20 – 00:31:04:05
Unknown
I was like, what? And what hurt the most is the guy was like, well, you kind of write like a college student. I’m like, yeah, because the last thing I wrote was a the history of Japan is 12 pages in college, right? I didn’t go to school to be a writer. And it hurt. I mean, and I wanted to quit, but my buddy told me I was like, do you want to be a writer?
00:31:04:05 – 00:31:17:22
Unknown
I want to be writer. And I was like, well, I want to be a writer. He goes and take what that person said and fix it, because if he didn’t understand it, your audience won’t. But it hurt. It really hurt because I knew it was going to take more, more time. It was going to take more energy. And and so I did, and I turned it in again.
00:31:17:22 – 00:31:39:14
Unknown
It came back a little less read and a little less read and finally took off. But I used that to make a better book. I liked it because it wasn’t good, right. And so it didn’t have the value that I that it should have. And I’m doing that for my next book, navigating. No, it’s like I’m using my podcast as content creation of like how people can overcome rejection, failure or self-doubt.
00:31:39:14 – 00:31:57:21
Unknown
And the more I’m learning and the more setbacks that I have and I hear about other people’s stories, just makes the content of that book even more valuable to the person who wants to learn how to overcome that. Right? Navigating? No. How to be better. Right. And that’s the thing that everybody should want to aspire to be like, how can I be better?
00:31:57:21 – 00:32:14:14
Unknown
How can I always, like, improve this relationship and improve? Whether it be a relationship with a colleague, a client, a spouse, friend? How can I be better parent? I can be a better you know, it’s always I think that’s a good thing lesson in life. How can I be better? And know how to take the feedback. Right.
00:32:14:14 – 00:32:41:23
Unknown
So there’s this other book that I recently read. It’s called feedback, from this that in this book bookcase right here. But it’s called, how to Receive feedback and, and it’s a follow up book is also Digital Conversations. And both those books I have read in tandem, and they are so valuable when it has come to life and business, whether it be personal or professional relationships and conversations.
00:32:42:01 – 00:32:58:15
Unknown
Well, I would, I would, I would stop you and I would pause you and I would say that I disagree that, okay, everybody wants to be better because they don’t I don’t believe that everybody wants to be better. I think that it takes a lot of a lot of push and effort to get people to become better.
00:32:58:17 – 00:33:18:21
Unknown
Because mediocrity is medium like it’s enough and content. And I think that it’s the poor get that driven that want to be that. Right. And so how do we get everybody to become more driven, and how do we get people to look at themselves and say, I want to be better? I want to get stronger. I want to be, I want to be smarter.
00:33:18:21 – 00:33:39:23
Unknown
I want to learn more, and I want to give back to other people because we all have stories and knowledge and experience that you can share because it’s our gifts, it’s work, it’s our differences that make it so special. And you’re all everyone listening to this right now has some kind of special gift. It’s what makes us stand out.
00:33:40:01 – 00:33:55:13
Unknown
And if you utilize that to share with other people, you’re just making the world a better place so you can make the world a better place, and you can make yourself a better place. But getting them to do that, I can only lead people to the water, right? They have to want to drink. They have to want to drink.
00:33:55:13 – 00:34:15:09
Unknown
And that’s hard. But as a motivational speaker, that’s my goal, is to want to make people be better, right? Not to be want that. You’re right. Not everybody wants help, right? Not everybody wants to make their life improve their lives. Some people are having a moment in their life, and they’re okay right now with survival. They’re okay with mediocrity.
00:34:15:09 – 00:34:37:06
Unknown
Is what you are trying that you use, good enough, right? This is good enough life. And to inspire them to want to change and alter their trajectory in a positive way sometimes really means myself kicking my butt. Right? And that’s obviously why persons bring you in. Well, and that’s that’s your loved language. Like, what is it going to take to get that person to become inspired to do so?
00:34:37:11 – 00:34:57:20
Unknown
But I would also say that there are a lot of people that want to be better, but there are also people who are so going down this pathway, the resent that resentment and victimize like they they feel like they can’t dig out of the hole. You’re right. And those people might not even believe that they can be better.
00:34:57:22 – 00:35:25:05
Unknown
And it’s my job. It’s other. It’s our job as a community to remind people how simple it is to give a little bit extra, to grow and to learn and to be better. Right. And that sort of like that mentorship mentality, that giving back. Right. So, you know, you you make it so far. And then like there’s I think people forget that, you know, you have to like you say, thank people for getting you where you’ve gotten, but you do not get there by yourself.
00:35:25:07 – 00:35:54:05
Unknown
Right. So remembering that you got there because of amazing other awesome people. So knowing where you came from, knowing how you got somewhere, but then that full circle moment where you begin to mentor and give back, and how that giving is just as fulfilling, and maybe even more fulfilling, actually, the giving back that the time, your love, your energy, that’s what fills a lot of people up is giving back to the community, getting back to the person that you see little spark in them, like, oh, yes, well, I would, you know, you did that.
00:35:54:07 – 00:36:13:21
Unknown
I would say that tithing foster doesn’t have to be money, right? It can be giving back. And it’s like giving your time and your experience away to others is just as beneficial. And it is, one of the greatest rewards in being a parent and giving or sacrificing my and seeing my kids grow. That’s one of the greatest rewards, right?
00:36:13:21 – 00:36:45:03
Unknown
Seeing my son ride his bike, see my daughter getting a great grade. Right. Like all the these these are, I call them parental dividends when they act a certain way. And it’s just like, man, that’s an awesome thing. A parental dividend. And it is. It’s it. If you think a parental dividends are like when they when they act a certain way and you hope that they would, but you see them out of the corner of your eye like my daughter, she she went into the store with my wife and, she just saw this lady coming in with all these boxes she runs.
00:36:45:03 – 00:37:02:11
Unknown
You grabbed the door and opened it and said, can I take one of those boxes? And we didn’t tell her to do that. She didn’t on our own accord. And that’s a parental dividend. When you see all these things that you’re putting into your child, it comes to fruition and it’s like, that’s the greatest reward. It’s a reflection of you and how you are with other people.
00:37:02:11 – 00:37:23:23
Unknown
And so obviously your children are watching you. And that’s obviously a clear dividend, a clear counter reaction with how obviously you and Heidi are in life and your children are picking up the way you are in life and mimicking that. And that’s a beautiful thing. What’s a positive influence on someone? Right. That that you can change your your actions can change someone else and that is that parental dividend.
00:37:23:23 – 00:37:46:14
Unknown
But if you think back to what we were talking about, the mentorship, right? Have your audience think about this like how many people help them get to where they are. And no one did it alone. No one did it alone. You have this huge group of of of support system that you learn from and that you’ve got these experience that supported you or pushed you or believed in you.
00:37:46:15 – 00:38:11:01
Unknown
And that is just something that I learned as a very young kid, because I was lucky enough to be put into a karate dojo where I was surrounded by people who were better than me, and they were they all were better than me. But I wanted to learn from them, and they were all willing to teach me. And it was like at eight years old, I understood the power of a mentor and in Japanese culture, it’s the mentor mentee relationship with some people.
00:38:11:01 – 00:38:28:16
Unknown
Hi relationship and I, I didn’t realize at the time, but I was blessed to be in a community of people that just, like, lifted me up. If I wanted to learn how to do the splits, I would ask this person if I wanted to learn how to start a business, I would ask this person if I wanted to, learn to travel and learn languages.
00:38:28:16 – 00:38:55:09
Unknown
I would ask this person, and it was just like it was this, you know, I’m going to call it a petri dish of people that would help me. But that’s what all of our communities can be. And the moment that you realize that, that if you’re willing to ask for help, most people will help you, and what better benefit than to find somebody that has done what you want to do, has what you want, or has done or gotten what you want right?
00:38:55:11 – 00:39:11:06
Unknown
And that is so powerful to be able to ask them because two things can happen. A they can tell you, actually, this is the worst job ever and save your time and energy. And this is not the right fit for you and it will save you so much. You’re learning from the pitfalls and the mistakes of that person.
00:39:11:08 – 00:39:30:18
Unknown
Or number two, they will take you on their wing and it’s really great when they are willing to walk through the fire again with you, because there’s no greater shortcut in life, time management or anything than to find somebody who has done what you want to do or has what you want, and ask them how they got it.
00:39:30:20 – 00:39:53:21
Unknown
And they’re probably going to be willing to help you along the way. And that is the greatest secret sauce that I would have is the power of mentorship. And I’ve just been very lucky to surround myself around people that I’ve wanted to emulate, that I’ve respected, that I’ve loved, admired and trusted, and I have empathy with. And when you have that combination and it’s reciprocated back with you, that’s the secret magic, magic, magic, magic.
00:39:54:03 – 00:40:11:21
Unknown
No, I love that. You had so much good stuff there. You know, in I would say to that, and I don’t know where it comes from, per se. Maybe it’s because we both have martial arts beginnings. I don’t know, I was in martial arts, too, at, like, seven years old, but, I, I two did a funny thing for out of college.
00:40:11:22 – 00:40:37:20
Unknown
I asked for a lot of informational interviews. Right? Right out of college. 2008 during the recession. And, I was snot nose junior with no experience coming out of college. Right? And, recession. No one was hiring freezes. Nothing was happening. All hired, fresh college kids because they could hire a senior or junior, right? Right. Because they had mortgages and kids, and I didn’t, and they were willing to do whatever it took to keep mortgage.
00:40:37:22 – 00:40:54:23
Unknown
I got hum all the time. But what I did, I don’t know who advised me to do this. I asked for informational interviews. I like random people from, like, the Audi Awards. Like I would look up at a college. I looked at the Audi Awards and I was like, who? Art director is like succeeding and doing awesome.
00:40:55:02 – 00:41:10:18
Unknown
And I would call them up and be like, hey, I just saw that you won the silver or the gold Audi Award in Seattle. I would love to learn a little bit more about how you did that. Could you get a cup of coffee? You know, and it was just so casual, but it shows, right? It shows that you have initiative.
00:41:10:23 – 00:41:26:06
Unknown
You did your research, you learn a little bit about them. You looked them up on LinkedIn while back then it wasn’t LinkedIn, but you you did it. You’ve read the paper, you looked up the award and you had enough. You know, I used to call places like this is back where you didn’t have the, you know, great internet.
00:41:26:08 – 00:41:44:01
Unknown
So I used to call places like call the front desk publicist or I’d call, you know, draft FCB or I’d call, you know, these various, GLG I’d call these various outfits in downtown to be like, hey, is our so creative director available? But like, no, not available right now, but can I take a message? I’m like, oh, yeah.
00:41:44:01 – 00:42:06:03
Unknown
So all that. Amber Jacobs from Western Marshall University called, and I would love to like, chat with them about the Audi Award they just won. Like, just so random. I just sounded like, you know, just put it off. But anyways, that that technique has played out in spades. And then some. But throughout my whole life, whether it be whether it be, you know, obviously getting a start in the graphic design industry as a young person or whether, you know, it was you.
00:42:06:04 – 00:42:19:03
Unknown
When I wanted to know a little bit more about modeling, you know, I remember sitting down with you at coffee went a little bit like, how did you get into that? What did you talk to? I want to know more about this or whether it was on what I wanted to get in the podcasting, or whether it was where I want to go in the business.
00:42:19:03 – 00:42:35:18
Unknown
I asked various persons along the way for an informational interview type like, hey, I see that you’re doing an awesome thing. I want to learn a little bit more about how to do that. Can you would you mind? Can you keep coffee? And we talk about that, you know, so that in spades every time you shoot to two things.
00:42:35:18 – 00:42:52:10
Unknown
One, you realized at a young age that when you ask for help, the worst thing that they can do is tell, you know, okay, what’s right. So the worst thing that can happen when you ask someone out is they tell you, no, the worst thing that is going to happen when you go for a job interview is they say, no.
00:42:52:12 – 00:43:10:03
Unknown
The worst thing that’s going to happen when you try to get a modeling commercial or you get into an agency and they want them to bring you on, they tell you no, that’s the worst thing. The best thing is you land it right. So it right away it’s 5050 if you do your homework, which is the second thing you mentioned, you’ve now increased your chances, right?
00:43:10:03 – 00:43:38:19
Unknown
If you show a little interest and intent and purpose behind anything that you do, it goes it it hits the road running. Because now it shows that you’re interested and you care a little bit. Now it opens up the person who you’re asking for that. Yes. Right. Flattery. It’s like it’s kind of a slight flattery. Like I looked up, you know, every creative director and ally one likes to have a little bit of an ego struck, a little bit of flatter egos a little bit, always like, wow, they actually took the extra mile.
00:43:38:19 – 00:44:10:07
Unknown
She does not knows. Junior coming out of college, you know, 22 years old. And she had the audacity the the drive, the the knowledge. Like she looked me up at the awards and looked up the award that I won and and cared enough to, like, literally pick up a phone call and like, 22 hold of me at my office, you know, such and such agency in downtown like that takes a lot of initiative to, like, model that from point A to point B and then follow through with an actual cup of coffee like I ran a Victory Studios.
00:44:10:07 – 00:44:28:20
Unknown
I mean, I took all the funny people out to coffee to because I, I didn’t have a job and I know I want I just paid a lot of money to go to college to learn how to be graphic designer. And damn it, I wanted to do it. Oh, by hell or high water. I was going to go be a graphic designer in downtown Seattle, and I called every shop downtown to get a job.
00:44:28:22 – 00:44:49:06
Unknown
Well, you hit on something that I want to that I want the audience to hear, and that is that. As a strength coach to Olympic athletes, I always wondered what was the difference between an Olympic athlete and a really good athlete? Because there’s a difference, right? And they would always say the same two things they would say never get injured because when you get injured, you fall behind and somebody will take your place and eat you up.
00:44:49:08 – 00:45:14:08
Unknown
And the second thing is always give 3 to 5% more in everything that you do in your training, in your meals, in your in your workouts. Always give 3 to 5% more. And it’s not the atomic habits Daniel James clear about giving those little small habits. It’s like, what are you doing every single day to stand out and one of the things I talk about from the stage is going above and beyond, going that extra mile or giving that 3 to 5% more.
00:45:14:10 – 00:45:50:06
Unknown
And most people are only going to do the mid-level. And so if you go just a little bit above and beyond that 3 to 5% more, it is going to make you stand out. It is going to make you shine and it’s going to make you memorable, valuable and referable. And when you’re all three of those things on any of the businesses that you do as an entrepreneur or in the industry, you are going to take off and you’re going to own this world, because everything that I do is based off of referrals, and people love to work with me as trust is like most of my work comes from referrals.
00:45:50:06 – 00:46:06:18
Unknown
Oh, Blue Side is a great motivational speaker. You’re going to love him. He did this for my audience. There were all this call to action. He was easy to work with. Well, that’s that’s a referral. But it has to be memorable.
00:46:06:19 – 00:46:25:19
Unknown
Put yourself in front of it and ask them for that. Yes, you’re standing out more than the normal person would do, right. And it’s it’s interesting, but this is a perfect example of what’s ordinary and what is above and beyond. When was the last time ever that you were, like, walking in the store and or you’re walking down the street and somebody smiles at you?
00:46:25:19 – 00:46:45:18
Unknown
And I don’t mean like in the movie horror movie smile like that, but like a genuine smile. It make it makes you feel awkward. You’re like, what is this guy smiling? What’s this lady smiling at right. Well, it makes you makes you feel awkward because nobody does that anymore. It’s it’s. And it’s strange. Do that. It breaks down walls it for example.
00:46:45:18 – 00:47:06:19
Unknown
It’s just that easy smile. And when you do that, it makes people feel uncomfortable because you’re going above and beyond. And so it seems so simple though. Well, it seems because it is simple. It’s just like getting in shape. Every one of everybody, every one of your listeners knows how to get in shape. You work out more, you move more, and you don’t eat crappy food.
00:47:06:23 – 00:47:27:13
Unknown
Okay, it is very simple. Simple, but it’s just as simple not to do it right. We procrastinate, we make up excuses, and we kick the can down the curb, right? We do it. So it’s my job to remind people that it is that simple, to go above and beyond by 3 to 5% more. And what I would say is that you can do that in two ways.
00:47:27:13 – 00:47:48:14
Unknown
You can show it through appreciation and appreciation through gratefulness. Okay. Or you can do it by standing out and leveraging your gifts. So you weren’t afraid to make those phone calls to all those people. You weren’t afraid to ask them out for coffee. You weren’t afraid to put yourself out there, and to try to bring a resume. Made it a made out of black paper versus white.
00:47:48:14 – 00:48:19:03
Unknown
That felt different, right? You did something a little bit different to stand out because you needed to. You need to do something to stand out about above your competition or about the other people trying to do it. And then the next thing is, is that you have to stand out by showing your gratefulness and your appreciation. And I would say to everyone listening, when you take somebody out for coffee that you want to take their brain and you want information as a mentor or maybe a possible job interview or an internship, buy their coffee.
00:48:19:05 – 00:48:43:18
Unknown
You’re wasting their time. They are spending their time on you. You buy them their coffee and then I am going to throw you under the bus, send them a handwritten thank you card. Because when you do that, you’re memorable. And you are you’re great at that. And I’ve gotten your card for for talking to you about modeling or acting or even fitness and being a personal trainer.
00:48:43:18 – 00:49:05:01
Unknown
So you it shows that you’re grateful. It makes you stand out. It makes you memorable. And you know what? If I don’t have a job for you, I might know someone who does and I will refer you. And so that’s that mantra memorable, valuable and referable. And when you hit those three, you’re going to succeed. Thank you for that.
00:49:05:03 – 00:49:21:02
Unknown
Yeah. I don’t you know, what she taught me to do that was my, my folks. So I remember trying to get my my first big girl job. Big girl Jarvis is like a Port Orchard Washington you know Gig Harbor area. And I was like when I first job my first W2 job. This is not my first job.
00:49:21:02 – 00:49:37:14
Unknown
My first W-2 job on the record was I like 15. I had to flip burgers and I hated it. I was like, oh, I’m at McDonald’s like, so I wanted to. I wanted gas money. So I was like, I’ll go. I will go flip burgers and work at McDonald’s so I can have gas money to go run around and do what I actually want to do.
00:49:37:16 – 00:49:56:02
Unknown
But there was job down the road. It was Anthony’s home port in Gig Harbor, and it was one of the best paying jobs in the joint because you could get tip money right. And and you could get tips. You could eventually be a hostess and then you could bust and you could bar back, and then you could be a server and and the tip money was what I wanted was the money’s associated with that.
00:49:56:04 – 00:50:15:19
Unknown
And, and every Tuesday they held every Tuesday they held all kind of like auditions open interviews, every Tuesday to show up. And it was first come, first serve. And the hiring manager would see everybody in the lobby, every single person. And I would show up and like almost every other Tuesday for like six months, and they wouldn’t hire me.
00:50:15:19 – 00:50:34:16
Unknown
The guy’s like, I love you, but I can’t help you out. 16 and so I went back like almost every month for like six months. I turned 16 and the guy following hired me. He’s like, okay, fine, you could be a hostess. And, you know, but after every interview I always, always, always send the thank you card because my folks were super big on that.
00:50:34:18 – 00:50:53:15
Unknown
You mean you get something from grandma? Grandpa cinema. Thank you. Card. You know, my dad was like a really big on that. You get something from grandma. Grandma that you get someone from something you so like you garden, you know, and and so anyways, all that to say is that because my dad and my folks were not big on thank you cards, the young person, even when I was in primary school, you know, I gave this guy two cards.
00:50:53:15 – 00:51:13:15
Unknown
He’s like, I can’t hire you, you’re not 16. But anyways, I just I just replayed that over and over to be looking at Anthony’s home court, whether it have been and you need you name the interview. I have been doing it since I was a child and, you know, whether it be at the rec center as a personal trainer or whether it be, you know, at various things along the way, you know, it has played out in spades.
00:51:13:15 – 00:51:31:01
Unknown
I don’t know how many times it’s so simple. You get that. I used to keep a stack of thank you cards in the glove compartment jockey box of my truck, and after every interview I would sit there, run out, write the address down, and I would just. And I had to think of stamps and I would send it immediately after the interview.
00:51:31:01 – 00:51:51:21
Unknown
Same time, same thing dropping into the blue postbox nearby after every single interview, because I used to run around Seattle doing it, and that as I had hope there’s still a stack of thank you cards in my car today. And it’s simple. It is simple and it does stand out. And I got a thank you card that was handwritten.
00:51:51:21 – 00:52:10:13
Unknown
It looked like calligraphy from back in the like the 1400s. Like it was just this beautiful handwritten card. I was like, oh my gosh. And it just stands out so much. It makes it that much more memorable to me as a speaker for coming in and speaking. It just makes me feel special. It makes me feel appreciated.
00:52:10:18 – 00:52:27:15
Unknown
I am time I get thank you card. I keep it because I’m like, wow, it’s handwritten. Wow. That’s amazing. I will definitely speak for them again. You know? I will definitely show up again for them because they went there. They they reciprocated in kind, right? I love getting thank you cards. Love it. And it doesn’t have to be a thank you card.
00:52:27:15 – 00:52:46:16
Unknown
It could be. It could be, sending an email and and like with a little video that says how much you enjoyed it or a post or, a post with like a thank you on it. Or it could be somebody sending you a big bottle from Amber energy. Right. I did like these little things do make a difference and they do help you stand out.
00:52:46:16 – 00:53:05:21
Unknown
But what I also wanted to point out to everyone is that you also didn’t quit. You continue going like every other Tuesday. You continued going even though you were being told no every single time you realized like it wasn’t out. It wasn’t out of your control, right? Like they could not hire you because you were 16. It wasn’t you personally, right?
00:53:06:02 – 00:53:20:23
Unknown
It was not you. You just kept trying. And I think a lot of people stop when they hear or know versus like, oh, let’s keep trying to go. If you really want in a door, you find a way through it. You solve your solution through it. What is your path to get through it? Are you going to go around it?
00:53:20:23 – 00:53:36:16
Unknown
You’re going to go above it. You’re going to crash through it, you’re going to dig under it, or you’re going to try to find a different key. Like if it’s something that you really want and you really want to achieve that, you just have to keep you have to keep going. You can’t quit because it’s really for you to really fail.
00:53:36:16 – 00:53:54:00
Unknown
You either have to quit or you die. That’s really the only way to fail. And so you you nailed it. The the, you hit the head on the nail in the sense that it’s that you just didn’t quit. You just kept going. You kept following up. And eventually. And I think we all have stories like that. Like if you just if you stay resilient.
00:53:54:02 – 00:54:07:16
Unknown
Right? And you just keep going back, eventually you’re going to get through. Yes. And I would say that with salespeople all the time, like when I speak to sales groups and they’re like, well, I think I’m doing everything right. I think I’m doing everything. I’m well. How many phone calls did you make? And they’re like, well, I made 20.
00:54:07:16 – 00:54:31:21
Unknown
I’m like, it should be 100, 100 every day because it’s a numbers game. You are going to get told no way more times than yes. And it’s like it only takes one. Yes. Sometimes, especially in a sales, especially if it’s a huge commission. You’re selling a $10 million home. It only takes one. Yes. Right. And so it never giving up, always following through and always continuing, keeping on the top of mind of the people you’re dealing with.
00:54:31:23 – 00:54:42:16
Unknown
Always remind them bring value to the people that you’re talking to. I’m not just going to randomly reach out like, hey, you want to bring me back to the speaker to pay, bring me back?
00:54:42:18 – 00:55:01:22
Unknown
It’s gonna get annoying to bring value every time that I bring it or mention something or that that beautiful handwritten thank you card. It’s like, what are you doing every single day to go 3 to 5% more, to be grateful and just show your appreciation. And what are you doing every single day to go 3 to 5% more, to stand up and deliver?
00:55:02:00 – 00:55:19:06
Unknown
Yes. Perfect. I also wanted to just get a little of things, just like little things, like text messages. Hey, I’m thinking of you. You know, with my friends, it’s like, yeah, all this money thing. I’m thinking of you, and you take a picture of it, you send it. Right. It’s it’s things with your friends or with colleagues or clients.
00:55:19:06 – 00:55:38:16
Unknown
Just a matter who, just little things that. Hey, I’m thinking of you, by the way. It doesn’t have to be anything particular, but just. It goes a long way. Just it does go away. And it only goes that way if, for example, I’m. I want to work with someone or something like that, I have to know something about them.
00:55:38:18 – 00:56:01:10
Unknown
I have to understand something that makes them tick. And so, like Dale Carnegie wrote the how to Influence Friends and or and it’s basically like, how do you connect with someone within the first 30s you have to learn something about them. Do they love baseball? Do they love fishing? Do they have a family? And it’s like getting to know that person on that little bit deeper level.
00:56:01:11 – 00:56:21:23
Unknown
That is what you use to continuously follow up. And it’s like, hey, I just saw the Mariners play. Hey, I just saw that, trout, trout are running wild in this stream or hey, did you get your bit? Did you get your business? I should say staying top of mind with things that are relatable to that person. And you’re only going to do that if you pay attention.
00:56:22:01 – 00:56:40:22
Unknown
If you put intention purpose in to actually listening and caring about what somebody likes or doesn’t like, you’re not going to have that upper hand on somebody else. And when you do that to somebody, whether it’s on a phone or an interview, it’s like, listen, listen to them actively listen. And when you do, the nuggets start to come in.
00:56:41:02 – 00:56:54:06
Unknown
And that’s what you use to always stay in mind. One of the things I do all the times I grab my phone, I grab my phone, I go to contacts, I just spin down and whoever it lands on, I randomly call them and tell them how special they are. If I love that’s beautiful, right? I’m gonna do that today.
00:56:54:06 – 00:57:20:07
Unknown
I can have fun today. Also, it is better the meeting their prices, right? It was it was it it it blows. Every one of us wants to know that we make a difference in this world. Yeah. Okay. And what better way than to tell them? And so because they all want to know that something they did or said or, have done for you made a difference in your life.
00:57:20:07 – 00:57:47:15
Unknown
And so let them know what great reward could you give someone. Yeah. They might not have any idea. Yeah. They might not have any idea that you did something they did or said. Has impacted them or are you right. And so let them know. And I always say that to to my groups like let people know who’ve impacted you that they made a change or they’ve influenced you in some way because it might blow their mind.
00:57:47:17 – 00:58:04:11
Unknown
But no, I still think like, like going back to that remembering and genuinely wanting to remember something about a person, right? And genuinely wanting to remember a thing about a person. Right? I got too many things in my brain. So, like what I do, I haven’t gone like this now that I’ve been roll down to the bottom and say something.
00:58:04:16 – 00:58:21:04
Unknown
But I do this where like, if I learn a little nugget about somebody, I like to go down to the contact information. I go to the bottom of them and I write out notes. Notes. I go to notes in every single contact that I have of a person, because I want to remember the dog’s name. I want to remember their kid’s name.
00:58:21:04 – 00:58:31:02
Unknown
I want to remember their birthday. I want to remember, I want care, I really do want care. I can’t remember if.
00:58:31:04 – 00:58:51:05
Unknown
I write it down, you know, they’re into their into Star Wars, their into their into fishing, their into something right there into sci fi. They’re going to anything. Whatever it is, I don’t care. I write it down and I generally care, and I will follow because it’s because it is interesting to them. It’s it makes you stand out about their interests.
00:58:51:07 – 00:59:09:01
Unknown
And so if you go through my phone and you’ll see in my phone in the notes section, I’ve got husband’s name is this wife’s name is this kid’s name, is this what you’re the kid for? Born? Because when I talk to them next, I’m like, oh, did Suzy just turn five? I mean, I put the year that the kid was born, you know, I put down all the funny note because I want to care.
00:59:09:01 – 00:59:31:15
Unknown
And I want to remember because I genuinely love caring about people. Well, and that makes you stand out. And that is one of your gifts. Right. And so, like, if you naturally do it or if it’s a skill that you’ve learned to acquire from your folks or whatever it makes you stand out from everybody else and it makes you memorable, valuable.
00:59:31:17 – 00:59:52:19
Unknown
And I don’t want to I put on my phone about you probably, I’m under Rhonda. Oh, no. Stop it. No. Now, I wonder what I have in my phone with you. I don’t even know. Blue. Oh, what’s. Oh, this is a fun thing. Oh, fun. So, your profile picture on my phone, you won’t forget. You will think this is funny.
00:59:52:21 – 01:00:15:22
Unknown
Info. You see that, one of your very first business cards. Yep. That is your very first business cards. And I remember meeting you and you gave me your business card. I just took a picture of it. I mean, your profile, that was a QR codes. And it’s your original business card. Yeah. Strength coach. And, as it should have.
01:00:16:02 – 01:00:35:08
Unknown
Shokan karate, Shogun karate. Yeah. And it has a slot for first slots. You’re actually. Okay. So then I got notes on you, so I got. I got all your bits in there. All of your. Funny. That’s about you. Because I just want remember and I care because I do this for everybody. And honestly if I, if I’m going to.
01:00:35:10 – 01:01:04:09
Unknown
Okay. So this is a, a big plug for, for business owners. And that would be that it to, to have a CRM to be able to keep track of all the things about somebody, the people that you’re reaching out to. We think that we can remember everything, but if we can’t. And so it’s so easy and I would suggest some kind of tool, whether that’s an Excel spreadsheet or notes on your phone, contact, anything, write down the things, whether that’s their phone number, their birthdate.
01:01:04:11 – 01:01:20:14
Unknown
And it really does make you shine because you think that you can remember all that, but it’s so difficult, so difficult. And so it just taking those little notes really does help. Yeah. I write notes in my CRM system when it comes to my business. And when it comes to my friends, I do it in the notes section of my contacts right?
01:01:20:14 – 01:01:40:19
Unknown
So I make a lot of I make a lot of notes. I’m constantly feverishly in contacts about people, but it’s only because I wanted to remember. But I can’t remember everything in this brain. There’s too much stuff to remember. Yeah, yeah. So like your brain. Good tip to also not good for storage. Your brain is good for coming up with ideas, but not very good for storage.
01:01:40:21 – 01:01:44:10
Unknown
Hence the CRM.
01:01:44:12 – 01:02:05:02
Unknown
Oh my gosh, good talk, good talk. I love that you’re knowing and remembering, being memorable. Being referable, being likable. Right? Likable is another fun thing in there. Be easy to work with, right? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Always be, fun to work with. Try to be fun to work with because people remember you on a job site and how easy and fun you might have been fun to work with.
01:02:05:02 – 01:02:26:07
Unknown
And if you were not, ha! If you were hard to work with and a challenge. So remember that in five years and you might not get that next gig. So I just remember always being that way with every design contract, with every modeling gig that I possibly could have ever gone through fitness, I always just try to treat everybody with kindness and respect, and just be easy to work with on set.
01:02:26:07 – 01:02:50:03
Unknown
These to work with backstage. You know, I treated Expediter nice. I treated the janitor nice. If you didn’t just treat everybody nice. And so what? You what? I’m going to pause you and that is I’ve acted a model for 25 years. And, I would say that you’re one of the reasons. One of the reasons that I have been successful at elongating that career is because of the way that I treat everybody on set.
01:02:50:05 – 01:03:10:05
Unknown
So if you’re the head of craft services, if you’re the director, if you’re another model, if you’re the stylist, if you’re the producer, get to know them. Be kind to everybody because you never know who you’re talking to, and you never know if they have influence or if they could be the one that says, hire him again or don’t hire him again.
01:03:10:07 – 01:03:33:03
Unknown
Be kind. It’s so much easier to be kind to everybody and to be memorable to those people. You have no idea sometimes who you’re talking to because sometimes the most, like the most, the most, clout person on set or the most clout the person has the most clout in that in a room or situation, might be the most unexpected person in the room.
01:03:33:04 – 01:04:00:18
Unknown
And I don’t know how many times I’ve come into a situation like, it’s not that person’s call, it’s his call. It’s their call. And they might be the most unexpected person in the room. And, oh, I have a client and I won’t name the car company, but we went into a very high end, car company, and my friend and, myself, and we walk in and he’s completely tatted, and, we didn’t get helped by anyone.
01:04:00:20 – 01:04:28:05
Unknown
And it was amazing because a lot of people see tattoos and it’s almost, like, contagious. It’s like, I don’t they’re dirty and I don’t want to deal with it. And they had no idea that this man was a multi millionaire who could have bought every car in that lot, and no one paid any attention to them. And so it’s important to remember to be kind to everybody, because you never know who or when you might meet somebody who has the ability to change your life, or you can change theirs.
01:04:28:07 – 01:04:47:16
Unknown
Yeah, it’s true, so true. I have some I had a couple of stories about that, but. Yeah, it’s it’s so true. Never underestimate a person. Never. You know, staring at the covers. Yeah. Never do it. You know, it doesn’t matter what your what your industry, your background, what your appearance might be. You know, you have no idea.
01:04:47:16 – 01:05:11:14
Unknown
Maybe you are, an Alaskan fisherman. Maybe. Maybe you’re Alaskan captain. But maybe you look like you just came off the boat. You know, I looked at Anthony’s, you have no idea who they are and what. There’s money they might have. They might be the most unexpected, most, like, wealthiest person in the joint. But they’re in their coveralls and galoshes because they come off the boat, or it doesn’t have to be financially.
01:05:11:14 – 01:05:36:23
Unknown
Could be influential, right? It could be somebody who knows everyone. And if you’re mean to that person, they’re not going to introduce yourself like you’re needy. You might just blacklisted yourself completely. It’s so much easier to be kind to everyone and make everyone feel heard, seen and valued and like they belong. Perfect. Perfect. Well said. Here, here, I love it.
01:05:37:01 – 01:05:57:11
Unknown
Well. Blue, my lovely friend. Is there anything else you would like to share with our audience here at Amber energy? Is there anything like coming up big or anything fun or fun that you want to launch or share or tell the audience or anybody about? Well, let’s see here. I started a, another one of my speeches.
01:05:57:11 – 01:06:17:07
Unknown
It’s called Dark Side for life, which is why the bad guys are way cooler than the good guys, but they’re just as impactful. And it started out to be a, kind of a fun little speech, but it’s kind of taken off. And it is also become like a C level executive because we can we can we can learn from bad examples just as much as just because it’s good examples.
01:06:17:09 – 01:06:35:01
Unknown
I am a huge Star Wars fan, so it ties right in. But it’s all about the villains of the 80s. And I think, that I’m going to make a graphic novel out of it. So that’s going to be on the in the future. I’m planning on speaking of Star Wars Celebration in 2027. And I will give Dark Side for life speech there.
01:06:35:02 – 01:06:56:01
Unknown
Let’s see. Navigating. No, we’ll be out next year, which will be my second book. And my audible should be, available by Thanksgiving this year. So, for the summer, for, But check out my podcast. It’s called navigating. No. And like Amber, I’m, I am I’m the person that reads the comments, and and I would love to connect with everybody.
01:06:56:01 – 01:07:15:13
Unknown
And so I would love to hear your story. Well, thank you so much, blue, for for your time today and for coming on and sharing a little bit about you and how how we navigate. No, you know, I’m telling us a little bit how we influence, people’s lives, how we build trust, how we create meaningful, amazing relationships.
01:07:15:13 – 01:07:30:15
Unknown
And I just could not be more grateful for your time. And, so happy to have you all as a guest here today. And, thank you so very much. You’re welcome. Amber, thank you for having me. And, I just look forward to seeing you in person again. You’re always welcome at our cabin. Perfect. Thank you so much.
01:07:30:15 – 01:07:45:01
Unknown
And, thank you, everybody, for listening to another episode of Amber today to the podcast. Make sure you like, subscribe, share all the funny things. Thank you so much and have a great day. Cheers.
01:07:45:03 – 01:08:16:05
Unknown
Thanks, blue. You are so welcome. Slow down on your energy when when you say amber energy. Because it’s. You can’t just wait. You excited? It’s cool. You know, number two energy. And it’s like, oh, that’s your plug. You’ve got to make sure that everybody here slow that down. That was fun. You’re fun. Yeah. Thank you. I try, you know, I’m still kind of new to this whole, public speaking thing, you know, kind of improve and get better on it.
01:08:16:07 – 01:08:41:06
Unknown
But this podcast will definitely help, you know, I think this episode will be number 19 or 18, 19, 21 of those, I forget. So it is good practice. I feel like I still sing. Yeah. Well, in it, it is it, so I started the podcast for, for, to increase my reach. I started it because I’m actually working on my skill set.
01:08:41:06 – 01:09:02:13
Unknown
Like, I am practicing speaking. Right? Like I utilize things I say from the stage. I just get more reps in more repetitions and more practice. I learn a lot, right? And I’m like, oh, that’s more valuable than the way I said it or it didn’t land this way. So it’s great experience. And then for it’s like people can find you and learn more about you.
01:09:02:17 – 01:09:20:20
Unknown
So you’re doing all of those things. Yeah. It I still get nervous, you know, obviously, because like, you know, I feel on is I think a competitor. It was so easy like, honestly being on stage in Razzle Dazzle on stage is a competitor was easy in comparison to this. To be honest. Well you you put a lot of prep into it.
01:09:20:20 – 01:09:43:18
Unknown
I pay somebody to do a lot of what you do. And I don’t know what you do on the back end. But like, every everything that I do is all. It’s all automated through, a producer, and then we don’t edit the episode, you know, like, I did have a guy yesterday say the N-word several times.
01:09:43:18 – 01:10:03:07
Unknown
Is this black guy got it on, you know, and I’m like, I think I should I should bleep that even though it’s him saying it I’m just calling. But so those are the little things that I might edit. And but it’s wrong. Like it it is good I am I glad my not I don’t edit my podcasts all of them.
01:10:03:07 – 01:10:21:08
Unknown
All I do is add in the front and the back and the rest is raw. So I don’t edit my podcast. So I’ve done, like I said, 18 ish podcasts. And they’re not edited, none of them on a single one. Do you do, do you do shorts two? Like, do you have somebody do those for you? Yeah, I have several.
01:10:21:08 – 01:10:44:23
Unknown
When the, season, not season one. I feel like the first time in many episodes that was. I just kind of get my feet wet. But season two, I had, a video production outfit produce all the sizzle reels and all of the videos for YouTube. So the last and the last seven, eight, nine have been produced by a video production outfit.
01:10:45:01 – 01:10:51:02
Unknown
How much was that? I thought was really reasonable.
01:10:51:04 – 01:11:21:15
Unknown
It’s costing me. It’s costing me 315 episode. Let me tell you about that. So 315 episode total. I’m at two about 225 an episode. Pretty good. But but that doesn’t include like, the, the shorts and stuff. So it’s like, that’s another cost. Like the one that I can physically tell you is 225. So for a little bit more I could get, you know what I mean?
01:11:21:15 – 01:11:41:05
Unknown
I think as you’re saying, like I, like I said, 350 is what I paid to pay Camille Pro and Kelby and his team do the shorts. So what they produce for me, the the deliverables, they just do a lot for me for 350. So for 350, they give me a sizzle reel in vertical and horizontal for, you know, different socials.
01:11:41:10 – 01:11:59:23
Unknown
Then they give me obviously the full framed, bit for YouTube, but then they also give you the transcript of the whole podcast episode. And then they also, they do so much more. So then I give them access to my website, so they actually will write the blog article for me. So, you know, the article in my website.
01:12:00:02 – 01:12:23:04
Unknown
So like the actual page article, they will transcribe, they’ll put all the bits from this podcast guest information, all of it’s about you. They will put that. They’ll make the new article page add and all my guest information. Add in the transcript, launch, launch it, you know, publish it and then also launch it to Podbean, which obviously produces it to all the different podcast channels.
01:12:23:06 – 01:12:44:16
Unknown
And then also uploaded to YouTube for me and then sends me all the URL links for me to do that, but, the email newsletter and launch it, and then they also write the social media posts for me. I don’t do any of that. So that’s worth 2 or 350. For sure. Do you do the blog posts just for more SEO?
01:12:44:18 – 01:13:04:02
Unknown
Do I do? Yes. So every well, you do that, I mean, every episode has its own landing page, right? So go to my website on YouTube. So no, I know, I know, I know, and I have that too, but I just stop doing that. I stop recording. So the reason why I.
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October 8, 2025